The world ends with me.

Got kicked out. Not as pleasant as I was hoping. Tried to settle the college business, tried to get mom off my back and stop breathing hot, disgusting, cigarette-smelling air down my neck. I caved, and I called Grandma, begged her to do this for me, and the phone was dying so I said I'd call her back. All mom talked about was -her- credit, not caring about mine or anyone else's, of course not, she only cares about what happens to her. Grandma was supposed to pay for it all to begin with, so why she isn't, I don't understand.

I get off the phone and mom starts a rant about something or other, about how I'm not responsible and how I never will be, and how ungrateful I am that she's doing all this for me, paying my bills. I ask her, 'am I not paying you back? Am I not trying to take the stress off you by doing the one embarassing thing I said I wouldn't do?' And she says that if I'd done what I was told in the first place, this never would've happened, and I get angry. 'I didn't do it then, I'm trying to fix it now, what the hell else do you want?'

'Some appreciation.' She started an argument with me, 'just' to get 'some appreciation'. It doesn't seem rational. Of course I'm thankful, she's covering my ass when it shouldn't need covering and I'm pissed too, and I'm angry and I'm in the same position she is, except I don't get money automatically every month because I don't claim social security. I actually work to get what I want.

The conversation escalates, we're talking louder, and she's just so mad about how irresponsible I am and I say 'OKAY! So I'm irresponsible, I'm trying to fix it, what are we even talking about?' And we repeat the same thing, she says that if I'd done what I was supposed to to begin with- you see where I'm going, so she starts insulting me, my intelligence and finally, I'm like 'I'm doing the best that I can to make up for it, to set things right, holy shit, you need to back off.'

'Don't you tell me what to do.'
'Are you kidding me? Shut the hell up.'
'Don't you tell me to shut up.'
'Shut up.'
'Get out.'
'No.'
'Or I'll have the police escort you.'
'Fine. So long as you count this as throwing me out.'

She gets angry. I go pack my things. She watches me, neutrally comments if something falls, puts my blankets in trash bags and takes my stuff outside. I take the rest out and when I'm turning to get my skates, she slams the door closed after saying 'Don't call or come back until you can treat me with respect.'

I can't. But I want my skates. They belong to me. I'm getting them back if I have to call the police because I'm so sick of her winning by technicality. It's frustrating. So I'm going to play by the rules and get what I want.